Gunfighter Like Me: A Calvary Freeman story.

Cheese Ace Ben wurn'n me ta tell em a stiry wat Anit Ben tolt jet n wat Anit gone Run da book e God plant.
So I cided ta tell a stiry bow'd s gal I were spark'n.
No at ant n da book.

Enyha eyes bow'd Theddy-aid uh Theddy-nine hi reckon. 

Tolt ya Ont riteouslee kno zackly wen eyes bone. 

Cheese.

Cheese.

Hane me at bol ah likka n at herb ovair.

Na sit da fucc down n  lissen.

Ont inarupme ginn heah?

Nah I as damn nigh  finnish't s story n Cheese Ace lost tit.

Ont lack tell'n da same stiry twicet sa I reckon

eyes gone go a diffent reckshun dis time.

Anit drank'n da day.

Jes smokin on s Herb. Ben tote'n Sam pipe fah yeahs.

 Enyha Hit were a spell foe I went ta Ohiyuh n fount Joy. 

At’s da story I tolt Cheese clumsy Ace lass nite tha one e loss.

I’d Ben wanton Mia Elk nod cuza taze gud uh nun, cuz zay Jes alride, anit nuthin spell shull bow’d em.

Eyes rully Jes wanin ta get hold ta sump’n at big n powerful.

Now at I study onit reckon at’s why sa mini fellas calt me oud ova da yeahs. 

Cause eyes da big bade. Jes lack y I wandid ta kill mia elk.

Hit wera heapum tew.

Oddest one were colored.

Maine e were faincy.

Dress tup Inna suit n top had alla time.

Purdest gun rig Eva seent.

Pose hits roun hair sumair.

 Hane made triple sticheded leather.

Cows make fine Sal’s n Holstas bud Dem suma da stupidest thangs onna lane swure day is.

 My fault I gits stracted easy.

 Where eyes ad? Colored gunslanga? Oh yeah na sit Cho behemoth Ace down.

I lack you boy.

Use thodfull.

Thank ya.

Lacka gud meal.

So dis colored gunslanga anit challenge me ad furs.

Nah e sat round town shada'n me.

If’n eyes ad da smiffs hair is Ace cum. 

All A’s tog propa.

 “Good Morning Mr. Freeman sir top of the morning to you.”
E'd tip at o had a his wit one hane.

Woe s fucc’n monocle n is eye.

Thank I mide da Ben jelass uh is genulmaness. 

E were classee.

Eyes Jes a self Ray’s nigga.

Anit hayuh no typa finement. 

  Wera heapa killas stir'n round Mexica bike n. 

Errday sum po sonawhore were dragged oud uh da screet.

Moe’s daze I late tup Inna Whorehouse bow’dda ho day.

I were alret tied uh kill'n.

Weren’t skirt ta nuthin lack at Jes was stack'n up bodies n hit were weigh'n on my soul.

Da Bess fucc’n way ta void hit were ta void da screet.
N twixt this faincy dresst colored fella houndin me n da fack at soona I hid da screet sumun liable ta call me oud

I lieved stayin in at whorehouse were my Bess bet.

Pose I final god tied uh em meals inat whorehouse.

Wanned sumthin udda n at teat.

I strolt ova tada boadin house.

Day had gud brekfass ovair.

Taters n eggs, bacon, ham, n all at.

Were studin on git’n mia biskit.

Wen a sudden s widet boy Calt oud.

Thawed e were call’n me oud.

All e said were;

 “Draw Nigger!” 

I spunt.

Hanes on my Colts

Seent at faincy colored fella toss bike tha taila is code.

E Pult one uh m pissles n Po’d lead inta at wide’t fella.

Ole faincy pants fass n fuck.

Bassard ad lid dup a cigarillo bida time at fella were dun dyin.

N e wanked ad me.

 Anit lack at.

Felled lack e were playing wid me lack eyes a chile.

Adda at, dem whores kunt hol my tention.

Kept tone thankin bow’d Missa faincy n at nicet pissle wurk e puden onat wide’t boy.

Wanda if’n e’s air ta kill me. 

If’n e anit, wanda y n de hell seem lack e stalkin me.

Nex day I spunt da ho day n da saloon. 

Figga’d if’n sumun wan me anit hard ta fine.

Seent at colored gunslanga spatch fo mo fellas wat calt tim oud.

Ad furs eyes glade.

Mo em fellas wat e kilt mean da less um eyes gone hada kill.

Affa bow’d a week kin bow’d 10 kills layduh Eyes ret t moveon n led dis faincy negro ha all kill’n e cud stain. 

Went tada stable hane n tolt tim Sal my horse n giddem ret ta ride.

Hits heapa towns n Mexica n I’d bow’d runt thru alla whores n at un enyha.

Aid mia lil sump’n n were walkin ova tada stable.

Faincy Pants N my way. 

I tip my had ta em. 

E tuck’t tis suit code hine m n says. 

“Calvary Freeman, My name is Charles Hallsworth. I aim to be the fastest colored gunslinger in the west. I can’t say that unless I kill you sir.“

“Ya kin say watsoneva n tha fuck ya wan say dair Charlie. Use plentay fass. Ya anit goda die daday jes fah a tidal.”

Ole Jake were snort’n n ret ta e’dup sum groun. 

E were jesa paw’n ad da dirt.

“I am faster than you Freeman, and I aim to show everybody that I am the superior shootist.”

Sun were beadin down on nus.

Folks gathin roun tryna git a beda look widout git’n ina line a far. 

 Eyes tryna keep s fella from dyin ad da bidness n uh my Colts.

I kno’d E were fass n mide ah bent fassa n me. 

Bud I’d dun seent tim draw.

U howda bead dem.

We’s eye’n one nudda down da screet.

Everthiin slowed down da way ha hit dew wensoneva eyes ina gun fide.

“Lass chaince Charlie. Ya god pebile ya wan me ta send ya maines ta?”

“Just me Mr. Freeman.  What do you want me to do with your body?”

Figga’d if’n e kilt me day cud dew watsoneva day wan wit my body bud I tolt tim ta drop me n da ocean.

Wenta draw n Jake bucked.

Reckon hit stracted ole Charlie n slow’t tim uppa taze. 

I skin’t at Colt Navy on my rite side n Pump’t 4 slugs in em.

Made sho ta hid em n is Hardt. 

Anit wan ta see em suffa. 

Is mouf open’t tup n e look lack e were gone say sump’n L’s.

E anit O.

Jes died. 

I stuck roun n buried dem. 

Figga e zerved at much spect. 

E wera bade maine wit dem peace makas.

Moe’s times wen I kill sumun I take day pissles n use um.

Fah sum resun anit thank I oughta dewat dis time.

Dun kept Dem purty motherfuckers eva sins.

Bought dat fella a hed stone n errythin.

Hit say’s Charles Hallsworth. He was fast.

Elk?

Oh shit eyes gone tellya bow’d da time eyes huntin me a Elk.  

O well.

If’n ya cum roun tamarra reckon ull run hit down taya.

How the Romance Dies

She smiled at me from across the room.
I was pretty much done in from that moment.
I know what you're thinking, that sounds like some 1990's love song.
I respect that.
That's exactly what happened though.
I'll tell you the story.
Was kind of killing time.
Out of jail on bond.
Had progressed past the point of believing that my lawyer was going to be able to get me off.
I mean I was, guilty.
At that point, was tossing thousands of dollars at this high priced mouthpiece in hopes of getting a reduced sentence.
Stopped at a bookstore.
My apartment sat above my parents garage.
I was in no hurry to get back there.
My mother was watching me like a hawk, and all of my comings and goings were destined to  became part of the next day's sermon.
Pulled into this huge bookstore.
Decided if I was going to have to do some time, might as well get myself some reading materials.
That's when it happened, she was restocking a few books on the shelves.
Shouldn't have affected me the way she did, she had chopsticks in her hair, wore an apron and these bookish looking glasses. Even in the stereotypical nerd uniform she had a nice smile and a what looked like an athletes body under  her formless frock.
Had loaded my basket with massive fantasy novels, epics, volumes that it would take time to consume.
She was restocking shelves, putting away the books that people had decided that they didn't want at the last moment.
We started talking.
Initially, I didn't realize just how pretty she was.
I'm serious.
From the apron to severe bun to the shoes it seemed that this horribly attractive woman was downplaying her own beauty.
We talked about everything, and nothing.
Even when I had only seen the mousy librarian look she was stunning. Her personality was much larger and more appealing then I had realized.
Talk about meeting someone at the wrong time.
 I had a court appearance in less than two months but as I helped her shelve classics that someone had gotten the cliff notes for I started wishing that I didn't have to go to prison.
Her name was Deborah and the very next day she was off I arrived to pick her up.
Nothing mousy then.
Hair, glasses, clothes her entire look had changed.
She looked incredible.
Her personality remained unchanged.
Awesome.
Took her to lunch.
We sat in the restaurant so long we had to leave to make room for the dinner rush.
Hours melted and time stood still every time we were together.
My court date came much to quickly and I asked her to come to court with me, she refused.
18 Months.
It was virtually no time.
I would be home before she knew it.
Wouldn't be there every night as I had been leading up to my court date, but I'd be back soon.
The first few months we talked everyday.
Sent money to pay for the phone calls. What? I told you I'm guilty.
I'm a legitimate criminal.
Soon the conversations tapered off.
Then the letters.
Finally received the last card at Christmas.
Worked out hard. It killed time and would make me irresistible to her.
When I showed up on her doorstep 18 months after I had left, I expected her to melt into my newly massive toned arms.
Things didn't work out that way.
She had moved on.
Stopped waiting for me.
Has a new guy.
He's obese.
Rushed away from her house as soon as he answered the door.
Haven't had an exclusive relationship since.
Haven't let anyone hold my interest for longer than it takes to have an orgasm.