An Interview With Me When I Become Really Famous.

 

“So Mr Clark when did you know you wanted to be a writer?”

Per my insistence the interviewer has to smoke marijuana with me. Of course I don’t share my blunts with anybody so she has to smoke her own.

It’s hilarious.

I really wish the network had gotten a Stoner to do this interview.

I’m a professional. 

They need to get their shit together. 

It is entertaining though.

“First of all call me Cheese, all my friends do.”

Flash my ultra white choppers in my signature smile. 

Being rich has done wonders for my dental health needs.  

I’m wearing an ascot.

I’ve single handedly brought them back. 

One I’m wearing is from my clothing line.

Oxymoron°

“Horribly Attractive clothing for Men.” 

That’s our tag line. 

Host is wearing one too, doesn’t look as sexy as me though. 

His co-host and the actual star power of the show is the beautiful winner of one of those singing competitions.

I don’t remember which one, I smoke a lot of weed.

She’s gorgeous and I am flirting shamelessly. 

“Sharissa, I  wrote my first book at 7. It was actually a comic book and I collaborated with two other  7 year Olds.”

Studio Audience roars with laughter. 

Flash the Fluorescent grin at the at home camera. 

Panties moisten. 

“I hear you have issued a direct  challenge for  Da Snoop Father himself.”

She looks at me expectantly. 

Torn between wanting to impress this Incredibly attractive woman, and freeing my inner Donkey.

Obviously the chain on my Donkey was rusty, because I  ask; 

“Was that a question?""Because It sounded kinda statementish.”

Hey Cheese. 

Calm down. 

It’s a fantasy. 

Hey.

Focus . 

Rush to Smooth my dick behavior up.

“ No seriously. Yeah, I have  said several times that I will smoke Snoop out.”

Let the crowd ohh.

Sharissa, is salty with me.

Nothing else I do is right. 

Interview becomes combative. 

“So are you okay with portraying a stoner lifestyle?”

“Your books and short stories are littered with drug use, Gratuitous sex acts, violence, and foul language, Do you consider yourself a good person to pattern one’s self after?”

Wait a fucking minute. 

This my fantasy. 

I get to be a douche canoe if I want to.

Where was I?

Yeah, flirting with the hostess. 

No co-host. 

Me and her.

She digs me.

It’s winter.

We’re outside. 

About to watch the Saints in the Super bowl.

Hell Yeah. 

With Colin Kaepernick at quarterback.

Halftime Show by Tobe Nwigwe, Rakim God Allah, and Mister Mister Scarface.  

Same Question. 

This time she’s a stoner too.

Yeah, we’re both Timberland’d and furred up.

I’m fly as shit.

Earrings look like flat screen TV’s.

Chocolate diamonds and emeralds.

Match my Beef and Broccoli Tim’s.

Wearing one of those little  Russian fur hats.

Faux of course.

“So when I First  met you on the set of the Netflix series based on your ‘Urban Street Sci-Fi’ books, you told me you wanted to meet  Snoop Dog.”

The way she Emphasizes, “Met you.” Will have me in the  tabloids again. 

Damn it.

Pretend I don’t want to talk about it. 

Say some shit like:

“Hey, let’s focus on the Series. I think it’s a way of introducing our culture…”

She’s high as fuck.

Cuts me smooth the fuck off.

Did I mention how fine this  motherfucker is?

Sexy ass just keep touching me and shit.

Has blonde dreads.

Looks like Free from 106 and Park my baby mama!

Seriously I love Shawty bruh.

She’d make me lose my religion. 

Mixed with Egypt. 

Good Christ that woman is fine. 

I would drink her bath water. 

Anyway you get the picture because both of them motherfuckers is fine as hell, and a combination of them two? 

 She’s like a dollar and a half.

Hits The OG Kush/blue cheese  mixture I’ve made famous. 

OG Cheese. Patent pending.

 “Cheese, come on Cheese  seriously.” 

Pulls my Jacket.

Look at her like you know this shit is expensive right? 

 “Cheese tell the audience why you want to meet Snoop.”

I hit my hand rolled  $650 El presidente Monte cristo cigar, filled with high quality cannabis.

Look over at the hostess.

Fine ass.

Then directly at the camera for a close up.

“I want to hang out with the Homie all day, and smoke. All day long. From wake and bake till, I can’t see and I feel like I need help. See which one of us passes out first.

That’s the true test.

I think I can out smoke him.”

Reach over grab my cannabis infused coffee and talk about how the Saints are going to win Superbowl, for the  3rd year in a row. 

How Coach Prime has Electrified the city and fan base.

Plug my new movie.

“Love And Foolishness.” 

Talk about its cutting edge portrayals of Black love.

Call out my fellow authors and billionaire movie producers, for their lazy portraits of black couples.

Stir up controversy. 

Threaten to beat up 50 Cent, again, if he don’t stop taking my name in vain.

I would tell you about the after party but I am trying to keep  this PG 13 at least.

Oh that’s right  I already dropped a couple  F bombs.

Anyway I got to get back to work. 

I ani’t famous yet.